Naughty Knits

For this Valentine's Day, I decided to offer you all a selection of patterns that make me giggle like a 12-year-old in health class. I hope you enjoy them and aren't reading this at work. I know these kinds of subject matter isn't for everyone, and if you don't enjoy this kind of ribald humour, check out my Valentine's Day post from 2013, which features G-rated projects and some pretty lingerie.

The thong above is the 302 Calories design, by Dawn Payne. This pattern appeared in the Knitty Summer 2004 issue and is available for free.

For a little harmless fun on Valentine's Day, you might try these Basic Handcuffs, designed by Nikki Sayadi, on for size. There isn't a pattern available at present, but these don't look too hard to figure out. If you do make and use them, feel free to not tell us all about it in the comments.

Here's a thematically on-the-nose bra. This is the Booby Trap pattern, by ADHD Knitting. It's a free pattern.

When I posted a picture of these Elephant Trunks, designed by Aundie Molina to the Facebook page for this blog, it got loads of viewings, likes and shares. Then Facebook removed it and sat me in the corner (read: wouldn't let me have access to my blog's page or my personal page) for 12 hours to give me time to think about what I'd done. I duly thought about it and decided there wasn't anything wrong with what I'd done and that Facebook is a control freak with a misogynistic double standard. This pattern is available for $4.99(USD), and I hope it includes instructions on how to shorten or lengthen the trunk as required.

If you've been looking for the perfect thing to wear to your favourite knitting fetish bar, this matching thong and handcuffs set might be just the thing. The Knitter's Handcuffs and Thongs pattern was designed by Adelheid and is available for €3.00(EUR).

And this post wouldn't be complete with some lingerie from Joan McGowan-Michael. At some point I'll have to do a post of selected lingerie patterns, and I'm sure her work will figure prominently in it. This is the Betty design, and it's available for $4.00(USD).