Wednesday, 11 February 2015

Scourged by Humanity: A Special Valentine's Day Knitting Fable

Justine had been excitedly planning her knitting group's Valentine's Day party for a month and was glad she managed to finish her new lederhosen in time.

Phillipa was glad she'd also managed to finish designing and crafting the perfect Valentine's Day outfit, but its very success was making her reconsider her acceptance of Justine's invitation. Her dedication to her craft and her one-woman effort to bring back 80s fashions left her little time for parties.

Geneva hadn't finished her latest project yet, but this was just as well as she planned to wear nothing to the party but her knitting and her smile. This was one Valentine's Day she didn't intend to spend alone.

Harley, who considered Geneva's ploys more than a little obvious, planned to be proactive and bring a whole crew of sailors with her to the party. Or just keep them for herself; she hadn't decided which.

Lance and Dermot weren't quite sure whether they'd take up Justine on her party invitation, or just spend a quiet night in. They decided to wait and see whether Harley brought her sailor boys to the party or not. Because, well, sailors.

Venus and Willa had definitely decided on that quiet night in rather than the party, but they'd made special outfits for each other all the same. Which, alas, would end up giving them both wretched heat rashes.

Franklin and Rhea wouldn't have dreamed of missing Justine's party. They planned to show up in one of their matching knitwear sets and spend the entire time ostentatiously cuddling and telling everyone how they'd just got back from their fourth honeymoon and third vow renewal at Disneyland. Then in the car on the way home they'd have an unplanned screaming match over the new car mats Franklin had bought for the car, but that would just be between themselves.

Iris decided to bring not only her boyfriend Jeremy but also her friend Max. As she reasoned, Jeremy was only going to get sloppy drunk on Justine's notoriously strong punch and pass out on the couch anyway, so she might as well make sure she had someone else there to keep her company.

Justine had asked Tad to be the party's official videographer. He was happy to oblige, but he also had an eye out for the ladies, and was debating whether to wear his new crocheted vest or tie, or perhaps both.

Pearl, who'd given up on men, Valentine's Day, love, parties, punch, sailors, and in fact anything that might make being alive more fun, had reluctantly agreed to come to the party to avoid disappointing her close friend Justine, but planned to wear her knitted interpretation of the smallpox with appropriate makeup in order to demonstrate her pro-vaccination stance and "scourged by humanity" emotional state.


  1. Little did Iris know that her friend Max was really Rhea's boyfriend Franklin who had ditched Rhea after the fight in the car when she told him he looked like Spock. He was thrilled to share his matching outfit fetish with someone new.....

  2. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  3. Wonderfully entertaining post! Thanks. :)

  4. "knitted interpretation of the smallpox" !!! :-)