27.5 Billable Psychotherapy Hours and Other Knitting Fables

"After we finish this shoot, we're going to go do a Donna Summers video. We're so excited about getting that gig because we even have a line in it. It's 'Hey Mister!'"

Sometimes Vern liked to play the "one of these things does not belong" game with his clothes and assorted props.

Jim and Clare had always felt they could carry off any juvenile picture knit they liked as long as they looked disturbingly and preternaturally happy while they did so.

Fifteen years later, Brucie would spend a total of 27.5 billable psychotherapy hours working through the issues that one Picture Day had created.

Maebelle was just so thrilled that she'd managed to figure out a way to make her knitting projects do some of her housework for her.

"You know what they say about having to kiss a lot of frogs before one turns into a prince? Well, I am making a hip and ironic reference to that bit of dating wisdom because as you can see from my man chain and tufts of chest hair, I am a prince already! Come on, ladies, who's going to be first in line? No shoving!"

"I got so tired of men staring at my breasts all day so I designed an outfit to take the emphasis off them and make them look me in the eye. No, the eyes up here in my face — what other eye could you mean?"

Oriole dealt with the tension of being a woman who had to choose between two lovers by designing a sweater. Her friend Anna, who was a psychology major, commented that the sweater seemed a little Freudian, but Oriole ignored her and went shopping for a cute hat to go with the sweater. Anna saw penises and pubic hair in everything.

Sport a big keyboard, you're the piano man
Wear the keyboard in red tonight
Yes we're all in the mood for a matching scarf
And you've got the fringes alright

Malcolm and Mallory were totally thrilled with the hat and tie sets they'd made while on their first magic mushroom trip, though as their friends warned them, the 'shrooms hadn't totally worn off yet.

Knitty Knitty Bling Bling

I love jewelry and I love knitting and I always perk up whenever I see any examples of knitted jewelry — but I usually wind up deflating again. While knitting techniques can be used to make jewelry, yarn generally does not make satisfactory jewelry. Yarn jewelry usually looks clunky and kitschy, like something made by a child during arts and crafts hour at day camp. And though, consequently, children can get away with wearing it, adults who want really wearable, elegant jewelry are best to knit it out of the kind of materials jewelry designers actually use. I've previously done posts on the wonderful and inspiring knitted jewelry of designer Niiro and also on how to use the technique of Viking knitting to make jewelry. Today I offer a selection of knitted jewelry patterns. Some of them are even among those few yarn-crafted jewelry pieces that actually work.

The necklace above is the Scallop-Edge Beaded Necklace, by Carol F. Metzger. It is knitted from yarn but looks polished enough for casual wear at least. This pattern appears in 101 Designer One-Skein Wonders: A world of possibilities inspired by just one skein.

Here's another yarn necklace I like, the Cheerio design, by Laura Nelkin, although I would substitute pretty beads for those rings, which look a little too utilitarian. This pattern is available for $5.00(USD).

Cuffs are the one category of jewelry where the use of yarn is pretty easy to pull off. But I'd still go with lots of beading to dress them up. This is the Stereo Cuff, by Laura Nelkin. This pattern is available for $5.00(USD).

I went through 20 pages of patterns tagged with "jewelry" on Ravelry in order to research this post, and this was the only knitted ring I found that I liked. This is the Bella Knit Reversible Ring, by Andi Javori. This pattern is available for $4.50(USD).

Bracelets knitted from wire and beads are probably the most common form of knitted jewelry. This pretty Bauble design, by Rosemary (Romi) Hill, is a Knitty pattern and therefore available for free.

The Emelia Lace Choker, by Jennifer Tallapaneni, is one of those pieces that are on the borderline between jewelry and accessory. It could definitely add a bit of old-school elegance to a modern outfit for those women who have enough neck to carry this look off. Alas, I regret to say I am not one of those women, being a Swan only in name. This pattern is available for $3.50(USD).

Another pretty cuff. This is the Emerald Beaded Bracelet, by Heather Murray. This pattern is available as a free Ravelry download.

Like rings, earrings seem to be a difficult item to knit successfully. Most of those I saw on Ravelry just didn't look polished enough. These are the Bijouterie earrings, by Rosemary (Romi) Hill. This is a Knitty pattern.

Dee's Bracelet, by Hannah Banana, is a variant on the wire and bead bracelet, with lots of pearls. This pattern is available for $0.99(CDN).

The Wire Knitted Bracelets, by AkashasCreations. This pattern is available for $2.00(USD). I read on another knitted wire and bead bracelet page that this style of bracelet is easy to make: just thread the beads on before you begin and knit stockinette stitch for as wide and as long as you want the finished item to be. Don’t use anything under 30 gauge wire, as it’s far too hard on the fingers. To finish the bracelet, you can do a UK single crochet around the edge and fashion a clasp from a bead and more crocheting.

This Sweet Nothing choker, by Rosemary (Romi) Hill, is a pretty little confection, with chiffon ribbon woven through the mesh and used to tie the choker in place. This pattern is available for free.

I'm not thrilled with this particular conception, but this I-Cord Necklace, by Elaine Phillips, employs a brilliantly creative technique: one strings beads in and on I-cord to make the necklace. This pattern is available for free.

Here's another interesting technique: braiding knitted beaded strips together to get a necklace that looks miles away from any braided lanyard. This is the Knitted Braids Necklace, by Marika Cowan. This pattern is available for $5.00(USD).

Romi's Gems, by Rosemary (Romi) Hill, is another piece that's on the borderline between jewelry and wearing apparel: it's both necklace and scarf, and it's elegant, distinctive, and eye-catching, yet totally wearable. This design appears in 10 Secrets of the LaidBack Knitters: A Guide to Holistic Knitting, Yarn, and Life.

Knitter's Magazine 114: A Review

Knitter's Magazine has released Issue 114. Let's have a look at it, shall we?

The Sand Pebbles vest. I rather like the texture of this, but it's definitely on the shapeless and bulky side. I wonder what it looks like buttoned up. Those hairs on the sweater aren't adding much to the effect, but who am I to judge? There are a number of cat hairs visible on my project pictures.

The Majestic Tank. The model is kind of working this, but it still looks like it shrunk in the wash, and for most women it's unwearable. Lengthened by about a foot, it could be a pretty sleeveless top. The yarn and lace employed here are rather attractive.

The Aria cardigan. I absolutely love the texture of this cardigan, but it is just so shapeless that it's not even doing anything for this model. I'd use that yarn and stitch on another cardigan pattern.

The Letter Perfect vest. I always do have a hard time reviewing open-front cardigans and vests. I can't get past the conviction that they're going to look shapeless and frumpy on most women. This looks good until we get down to chest level and then... I just want to make it more fitted and buttoned through the body. I do quite like this fresh, bright colourway.

The Streamlines shawl. Now here's something different from all those pretty but run-of-the-mill lace shawls. This is one very cool, modern shawl. I think it would be impossible not to notice this piece if I saw it on someone.

The Blurred Lines top. This isn't a badly designed piece at all (those stripes are quite interesting and creative), but the design does look undeservedly bland and frumpy in this sample knit. I'd shorten the sleeves a few inches and go with a sharper, more interesting colourway.

The Tulips Tunic. Sheer lace (and this lace pattern is lovely) does make a drapey style easier to wear. I don't care for the styling here though. I'd wear this over a simple fitted dress, as though it were an alternative to a lace shawl. And I would shorten the sleeves. That just above the elbow length is difficult to pull off.

Chevron Skirt. Oh honey, I know your grandma made this for you for Christmas out of one of her rec room afghans, and that you really love your grandma, but seriously, you don't need to actually wear it. If your grandma thinks this is attractive, she probably also thinks the Cold War is still on and you can tell her it came in handy as part of your bomb shelter wardrobe stockpile.

Daring Dashes top. Hmm. I'm not crazy about this, but I suppose it isn't terrible. I'm trying to figure out what the model has on underneath this top that would show black around the waist and near the shoulders but is looking like skin tone at the chest and midriff. A solid colour tank top would be the best under layer for this top, and I'd make sure that it was of a tone to work with whatever the knitter chose for the single-ply dashes. Black and dark purple really don't do anything for each other.

The Blue Helix sweater. Quite like this one. I do wish there were better or other views of it though. It's hard to get an idea of how something flatters or looks from just a side view.

The Mesa Tee. A nice-looking top with a definite southwestern vibe.

The Lolita sweater. I rather like this one. Not all women care to bare their midriffs of course, but the top has enough going on that it could be made with a straight, full-length hem in front rather than this curved and cropped one, and still be an interesting look. I like the idea of contrasting colours in the ribbing.

Ombre Fans afghan. Very pretty, and a great way to showcase a variegated or hand-dyed yarn.

Flashes and Dashes top. This is pretty, but it does fit like a Hefty bag. I'd make it standard fit.

The Flip Side pullover. This is an attractive and interestingly textured sweater.

The Lucerne vest. This is a polished, classic piece that will never go out of style.

The Slip Shape top. This is quite a smart graphic effect and has a good shape. I'm envisioning this top in a number of bright, pretty colourways. (Not that there's anything wrong with gray and white — I just can't wear it myself.)

Jeff Pony

Jeff Pony is an animated short about a knitted horse and his secret talent. This short was written, directed and animated by Erica Akerlund, with sound and compositing by Matt Law.

Oh Darn

If you've got a favourite pair of socks or sweater that have tragically acquired a hole or two, you may want to acquire the homely accomplishment of darning. I've gotten extra years out of a beloved sweater this way, and was once even able to save a sweater I'd made for my father that had had an unfortunate encounter with a table saw. If you made the sweater or socks yourself, you'll be at an advantage because you're very likely to have at least a small amount of the same yarn left over.

This image and the one above are from government-issued pamphlets that probably date from World War II, when the populace was being encouraged to "make do and mend" in order to conserve resources for the war effort. If you'd like a more modern tutorial on how to darn, Twist Collective has a good one.






If you're the sort of learner who likes to have something demonstrated for you, this video clearly demonstrates the process of darning.

Darning is definitely a low-cost option. Besides the matching or near matching yarn that you need and may well already have on hand, you will need only a needle with a sharp point and an eye big enough for whatever fibre you are using, and a darning egg. A plain wooden egg or mushroom such as those above will do.

Though there's no reason the wooden egg has to be plain. The eggs above were made by my father. As you can see, that sweater of his did not meet that table saw in vain.

You might also treat yourself to a covetable antique darning egg such as the Victorian-era sterling silver-handled and hand-painted darning eggs above.

If you find you really love darning, it's possible to take the technique to a higher level, as has been done in the case of this 1841 sampler, which features silk, wool and cotton threads embroidered in running and cross stitches on a plain weave foundation. A hole in a prominent place can become an opportunity to really break out your imagination and fancy stitchwork so that the darn becomes an adornment.

Researching this post led me down a rabbit hole of truly fascinating information on and examples of how to take mending and making do to a whole new level, to the point where it's an art and a source of pleasure rather than drearily frugal. I have a passion for salvage and thrifting and hate waste, so the topic is as catnip to me. I especially loved blogger Susannah's account of her year's experience in shopping and sewing within the limits of the British wartime clothing ration of 1941 on her blog Cargo Craft Cult. She tells us that before this experiment, her wardrobe consisted of vintage costume-type outfits that she had lovingly made but had little chance to wear, and the boring nondescript clothes that she actually wore. The discipline of shopping and sewing according to strict guidelines forced her to make vintage clothes she could actually wear every day, and to make her purchases more carefully as she would need to wear them often. The result was a wardrobe that was not only more practical but more interesting and attractive, and that she got much more real enjoyment from. And I'm not surprised to hear it.

Working within restrictions is actually good for creativity. If you gave me limited materials and set me a specific task to achieve with them, I would do better and more creative work more quickly than I would if you were to turn me loose in a large room full of varied craft materials and just told me to make something. The human psyche seems to need limits to kick against.

And then too, getting the most out of your belongings by mending and making do has a number of other rewards and benefits. It's environmentally responsible. It'll save you money, and possibly also time, since you might be able to mend or alter something faster than you could go to the store and shop for a replacement. And it's so satisfying. Anyone can slap down a credit card and buy something new; it takes skill, creativity and intelligence to figure out how to turn an item that seems bound for a landfill into a useable, attractive piece.

Researching and writing this post generated lots of ideas for future mending and making do posts, so look for more posts on how to get the most out of your knitwear.