Wednesday, 1 June 2016

He Who Has Many Eyes and other knitting fables

Ewan loved the new ski mask he'd made so much that he wore it everywhere, until the day he wore it into a bank and everyone overreacted. He didn't understand what the fuss was about. As he later disgustedly told his cellmate in holding, sure he'd had a ski mask on and a shotgun in his hand, but as everyone knew, Colorado was both a great place to ski and an open carry state.

During the subsequent trial Ewan got a lot of social media support from many fellow ski mask lovers, which he really appreciated, but also some less welcome overtures from other mask devotees, such as the guy who referred to himself He Who Has Many Eyes. But then, Ewan reflected, when you become a public figure during a fight for justice, there were bound to be some freaks coming out of the woodwork who didn't really understand the cause.

After the trial, Ewan yielded a point and quit wearing his ski masks into banks, liquor and convenience stores, and the like, but he insisted that his two sons continue to wear their sweater and ski mask sets to school. They'd never learn rugged individualism any younger.

Far from being embarrassed by the onset of puberty, Imogene not only embraced and broadcast it but continued to do so long after she was past adolescence.

A serious yardage miscalculation and reckless overuse of yarn at the beginning end of her project led Shea to run out of yarn long before her dress was finished, but she felt that, with the addition of a crocheted modesty panel made from the leftover scraps, the old window sheer she'd had lying around did very nicely for the skirt.

Kesia loved her new meditation suit. The hip pads helped her to sit upright and the detail over her navel area helped her remember to focus her energy on her hara.

Leonora took the next step in her quest to simplify her life when she did away with backpacks by beginning to knit backpacks into all her sweaters. Her next task, she decided, would be to figure out how to do without shoes.

Nyssa wasn't about to compromise her sense of style by wearing knitted caps in cold weather. Wearing knitted wigs with coordinated lipstick was just as warm and much more distingueée.

After his 325th viewing of A Clockwork Orange, Denny put together a Halloween costume to pay tribute to his favourite movie. His friends told him it was very Bauhaus, then directed him into the women's washroom just to be jerks.

Eulalie's new line of gravewear-inspired lingerie didn't seem to be taking off.

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