Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Forced Intimacy and Other Knitting Fables


Eleanor was convinced that it was by no accident that her name was what it was and that she was in fact the reincarnation of Eleanor of Aquitane and had shone as queen of both England and France, though those 16 years of house arrest had been a total drag.





Malcolm and Janine were trying to keep their minds open regarding their marriage therapists "forced intimacy" techniques, but sometimes they were ready to write him off as being completely full of shit.





Vincent tried spending an evening relaxing with his knitting as advised by his sister, and it ended up being the usual Saturday night of contemplating the barren, arid wasteland of his life and talking to the cat. But then, as his sister assured him when he complained to her about it, he'd done it wrong. He was supposed to spend the evening actually knitting, not wearing an unfinished and flawed project. Couldn't he just stuff the project gone wrong under his bed and start another project like normal knitters?





When Bethea's entire family came over for the annual Easter family do that she always hosted, they agreed that she had really outdone herself on the decorations this year.





Albert felt that an epic Mohawk called for an epic cowl.





Designer Iris was crushed when Jennifer Lopez turned down her new red carpet design for "not being revealing enough" and vowed never to make the mistake of being too demure in her designs again.





Alejandro topped off his latest knitwear creation with a fascinator constructed from a cheap wig, a kitchen canister, and two knitting needles. Sometimes he felt he'd missed his calling and should have been a milliner rather than a knitwear designer.





Augustus's pom pom philosophy was "I Magno aut in domum cede", or when roughly translated into plebeian English, "Go Big or Go Home".





One of these days, Mai thought, her boyfriend Christopher was going to insist on doing sheep cosplay once too often and she was going to dump his woolly, bob-tailed ass.





Petra had grown up worshiping Mary Kate and Ashley Olesen and her designs reflected her residual spite at fate for not making her a twin.

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