Wednesday, 30 January 2019

Ill-Timed Moments of Clarity and Other Knitting Fables

It was the end of the school year, and the graduating class of the Acme School of Design was putting on their final student fashion show. Lucretia proudly modelled her project, which had what she called her "signature layered look" and what her teachers had come to resignedly call her "placemats, curtains, and remnant decor fringes tacked together" look.

Verna's project theme had been "A Bowl of Oatmeal". Her instructor pointed out that she'd been using very similar themes all year, such as with her projects "Cream of Wheat", "Tuna on White Bread", "Homogenized Milk" and "Like White on Rice", and that perhaps it was time to try using a more extended colour palette, and possibly also to look into getting treated for her protracted case of situational depression.

Dyce, who was very likely the most dedicated H.P. Lovecraft fan living, was very proud of her Cthulhu dress.

Fionnula, always the practical one, had devised a sweater that was both suitable for very cold weather and, when combined with a Swiffer mop handle, great for reaching those hard-to-dust spots under the bed and above the window cornices.

Merle had decided it was time the child's traditional romper went adult and post-modern.

Rhona was very proud of her combination of sixties-style florals and granny chic, as she considered the outfit a profound statement on the divide between sixties youth culture and that of The Greatest Generation. For her next project, she planned to go with a "Jackie O. Goes Filthy Hippie" theme.

Avis, ever the worst procrastinator in the class, had had to whip something up at the last minute and then not quite finished it, but she was pretty sure her asymmetrical mesh tank was a strong enough look that she didn't need to worry that she hadn't been able to make the pants that were supposed to go with it.

Libby felt her design niche was going to be creating looks for people who felt the cold everywhere but on the inside of their elbows, as her own experience had been that this was an critically under-served market.

Garth's recycled tin foil yarn was a big hit. He just wished it wasn't so painful to knit with.

Parnell had been pretty happy with his "R2D2 Discovers Pastel Street Style" look until he got halfway down the aisle, where he had a most unfortunate and ill-timed moment of clarity.


  1. It looks like Avis lost her underwear and had to borrow her boyfriend's tighty-whities. And maybe someone should tell Garth that if it's cold enough for a sweater, he really should consider wearing socks!

  2. So funny. Especially the Cthulhu dress.

  3. OMG what are some people thinking! ha ha ha

  4. Ha! This was fab, thank you!

  5. I would love to see Jackie O going Filthy Hippie!!