Roadkill Collage and Other Knitting Fables

Oleg had been knitting on public transit for years, and he found that blending in was the best way to avoid all those tiresome comments about how unusual it was to see a man knitting.

[Photo by Joseph Ford, with knitting by The Duke of Woollington.]

Sometimes even Crispin and Iris were amazed by their own coolness.

Philip had made a vow not to speak until he'd achieved his twin goals of moving out of his parents' basement and putting flowers on the graves of all four of the original members of The Ramones, but he thought there was no reason why he shouldn't let his clothes speak for him.

At the Purl & Prance Dance School, all the students had to knit or craft their own costumes.

During the Springfield community theatre's art house presentation of a crafter's version of the French Revolution, "Marie Knitoinette" brought down the house when she bellowed, "LET THEM CROCHET!"

Design student Colleen considered her pre-sagged and pre-pilled designs to be the most brilliant thing in design since acidwash jeans.

Design student Silken was insulted when one of her classmates asked her if she was taking Colleen's pre-pilled look steps farther. Her design was a celebration of her ovaries, thank you very much.

Meanwhile, Silken and Colleen's classmate Stefan had created a look he said was inspired by the sight of his six cats' eyes gleaming in the dark. Behind his back the rest of his classmates referred to it as the Roadkill Collage.

Fellow design student Nestrelda had spent far too many school nights staying up late to drop acid and re-watch Dances With Wolves, Never Cry Wolf, White Fang, and Teen Wolf.

Frustrated by his lack of success in meeting women, Gunther cast all attempts at subtlety to the winds.

Feline Fibre Genuis and other Knitting Fables

LuLu was getting a sinking feeling she ought to have taken that left turn at Albuquerque in order to get to the yarn store.

Shea had originally been mad at her cat Kip for shredding her latest (and nearly finished) project, but when she tried on the result just for the hell of it, she decided Kip might be some kind of feline fibre genius.

Kindergarten teacher Hazel was thrilled with the new outfit she'd made to wear while teaching a unit on dinosaurs to her class. She'd also dreamed up an idea for doing "cave painting" on the classroom walls with her students, and a "big bang"" experiment to do in the playground. Going off her meds was so good for her teaching skills!

Fed up with his mother's repeated promises to finish his new striped teddy bear "sometime", Chul-Moo decided to take matters into his own hands.

Cora felt that a bulky sweater went a long way towards balancing out what she considered to be problem hips. Now if she could only figure out an effective way to get her best friend Anna to stop emailing her links to articles about body dysmorphic disorder!

After getting charged with criminal mischief for tagging, Aviva took her case worker's advice and channeled her passion for making a mark into knitwear design. She found turning sweaters into the wall-like surface she wanted a bit of a challenge, but then it was a challenge she felt up to.

Madison felt that someday hot pants and afghan stripes were going to be just as universally known and quintessentially "Madison" as the little square suit and Chanel No. 5 were "Chanel".

Elysia wasn't exactly happy about being given the part of "turkey baster" in her community theatre's avant garde Thanksgiving play, but as she kept reminding herself, a true thespian gives 100% of herself to every role she takes on.

Elysia's neighbour Vicky, who had gotten cast as "mashed potatoes and peas", was less philosophical, and instead vowed to give up her stage ambitions and write a romance novel about an aspiring actress who got all the best parts in everything as well as all the leading men, because her talent and beauty was too remarkable to be ignored.

Keefe had decided that a "swim sweater", which left a tantalizing something to the imagination, was the best way to attract all the ladies at the public pool. Much to his disappointment, he'd only been approached by one 67-year-old woman so far, and that was only to kindly advise him that his sweater was going to both slow him down in the water and hang to his knees when wet.

Scourged by Humanity: A Special Valentine's Day Knitting Fable

Justine had been excitedly planning her knitting group's Valentine's Day party for a month and was glad she managed to finish her new lederhosen in time.

Phillipa was glad she'd also managed to finish designing and crafting the perfect Valentine's Day outfit, but its very success was making her reconsider her acceptance of Justine's invitation. Her dedication to her craft and her one-woman effort to bring back 80s fashions left her little time for parties.

Geneva hadn't finished her latest project yet, but this was just as well as she planned to wear nothing to the party but her knitting and her smile. This was one Valentine's Day she didn't intend to spend alone.

Harley, who considered Geneva's ploys more than a little obvious, planned to be proactive and bring a whole crew of sailors with her to the party. Or just keep them for herself; she hadn't decided which.

Lance and Dermot weren't quite sure whether they'd take up Justine on her party invitation, or just spend a quiet night in. They decided to wait and see whether Harley brought her sailor boys to the party or not. Because, well, sailors.

Venus and Willa had definitely decided on that quiet night in rather than the party, but they'd made special outfits for each other all the same. Which, alas, would end up giving them both wretched heat rashes.

Franklin and Rhea wouldn't have dreamed of missing Justine's party. They planned to show up in one of their matching knitwear sets and spend the entire time ostentatiously cuddling and telling everyone how they'd just got back from their fourth honeymoon and third vow renewal at Disneyland. Then in the car on the way home they'd have an unplanned screaming match over the new car mats Franklin had bought for the car, but that would just be between themselves.

Iris decided to bring not only her boyfriend Jeremy but also her friend Max. As she reasoned, Jeremy was only going to get sloppy drunk on Justine's notoriously strong punch and pass out on the couch anyway, so she might as well make sure she had someone else there to keep her company.

Justine had asked Tad to be the party's official videographer. He was happy to oblige, but he also had an eye out for the ladies, and was debating whether to wear his new crocheted vest or tie, or perhaps both.

Pearl, who'd given up on men, Valentine's Day, love, parties, punch, sailors, and in fact anything that might make being alive more fun, had reluctantly agreed to come to the party to avoid disappointing her close friend Justine, but planned to wear her knitted interpretation of the smallpox with appropriate makeup in order to demonstrate her pro-vaccination stance and "scourged by humanity" emotional state.

Knitting in Avant-Garde Style and Other Knitting Fables

When Sheila's friends suggested that if she was so fed up with dating, she might give it a rest for awhile and just concentrate on the things she enjoyed doing, Sheila turned to the real love of her life, crochet, for fulfillment. Alarmed, her friends gifted her with dating site subscriptions and confiscated her crochet hooks.

Dylan decided to save money on ski wear by making the same outfit do for both skiing and après-ski activities with her boyfriend. To that end, she'd added strategic holes intended to facilitate both ventilation and easy access.

Inspired by Dylan's frugality, her friend Rosalind made some fetching ski wear out a bathmat.

Both Dyland and Rosalind decided to rethink their money-saving strategies and, in fact, the entire ski trip, after Dylan's boyfriend Marvin got into the act and made himself an afghan onesie.

Proud as she was of her knitwear ensemble design, Jerusha could not shake the feeling she'd mismeasured or forgotten something.

"Eat up, Connie! You'll need the calories for the roller rink, the mall, and the drive-in movie theatre! You know we can't put on sassy hot pants like these and not live up to them."

Fashion editor Anya had set up a special corner of her office where she could relax and knit for a few minutes in avant-garde style whenever things got a little too hectic.

Misty had found the perfect solution for combining long hair with a hoodie.

After weeks of exchanging catty remarks at their local knitting group, Nita and Pearl finally went full-on sparring match.

Winona was not going to let her responsibilities as a mother keep her from being in the forefront of fashion. If nothing else, she could fashion sea horse hair accessories out of her child's outgrown sweaters and sew chic outfits out of crib sheets.

The Cupcake Cowl and Other Knitting Fables

Jolene felt colour blocking required total commitment. Now she just needed to finish knitting the purse and hat that matched her outfit.

Dahlia had donned her newly finished cupcake cowl, patchwork skirt, and hair bow, and couldn't wait until her birthday party guests arrived. She'd show them how a birthday girl ought to dress.

Sylvie's trivet dress proved the showstopper of the student fashion show. As everyone told her, they'd never seen anything like it.

Ramon was beginning to wish he'd listened to his girlfriend's warnings about what might happen if he were to stuff too many woolen sweaters in the washer at one time, set the water temperature to "hot", and forget to use any fabric softener.

Zeb and Marissa felt love, and "his and her" knitwear, were all they needed. Pants were totally optional.

When Reuben tried on the dyed mop head sweater his girlfriend Tasha had made for his birthday he began to wonder if maybe it wouldn't be better to make some concessions in their ongoing conflicts about whether he did a fair share of the cleaning.

Nestrelda was very pleased with her new ensemble of hat, glasses, knitted rompers, knee socks, and bow-tied lace-edged blouse. She thought it perfectly in keeping with her personal style, which she liked to describe as "post modern bluestocking".

Harley's latest strategy for getting men to stop staring at her breasts involved what she liked to call "avant-garde tent poles".

Mae found it very aggravating that everyone kept complimenting her on her new cowl and decided she'd have to figure out a better way to anchor her new wig in place the minute she got home.

Colette and Dexter were disheartened to find that they had somehow got their strawberry/watermelon/eggplant/bumblebee: pom pom size ratio calculations all mixed up.